Hay una película que se llama Friends (with benefits) la cual en el trailer se ve más mala quel diablo (lo cual deja mucho que decir), básicamente es de donde se copiaron para hacer la película de Mila Kunis y Justin Timberlake que lleva el mismo título aunque la trama es diferente. Se trata de dos amigos que por el trabajo y las complicaciones que trae una relación deciden tener sexo casual para como decimos en buen dominicano Quitarse el queso.

Resulta que en la película hay un pana BRAD que tiene 100 reglas para la vida, las cuales me llaman mucho la atención, algunas dan risa, otras dan pena… pero de una manera u otra la mayoría son muy ciertas. Aquí les dejo las 100 y les voy a señalar algunas con las que estoy de acuerdo.

You wouldn’t have these problems if you would just follow my rules:

100. Friends don’t let friends fuck ugly people

99. Try everything twice, the first time you might have been doing it wrong

98. Fat girls give the best head because they’re always hungry

97. Cologne: overrated… Deodorant: a must

96. Blondes are usually too dumb to realize they’re having more fun

95. After puberty, that’s not “baby fat”

94. ATM = the Holy Grail

93. All hippie chicks deep throat, but few vegans swallow

92. Women like shoes. They will look at yours; purchase accordingly

91. BBBJ or why bother?

90. Women cannot parallel park

89. If you wanna fuck it, you’ve got to be willing to lick it.

88. Ass, stomach, legs, boobs – in that order

87. If it’s not dirty, you’re doing something wrong

86. If a friend’s apartment is running low on toilet paper, you’re required to use it all

85. Cheerleaders are overrated

84. Under no circumstance may two men share an umbrella

83. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her

82. Other than in February, the 14th of every month is Pizza and Blowjob Night

81. Dogs are better than cats… period

80. Bigger is never better when they’re fake

79. Don’t leave the house until you’re camera ready

78. A period does not equal a week off from sex

77. Mustaches and hunting = gay

76. Sucking your best friend’s dick = priceless

75. You are not accountable if you bring ugly people home, unless you fuck them again in the morning

74. If her mom isn’t a MILF, chances are she won’t be one either

73. Fake orgasms count, as long as they’re not yours

72. The G-spot does not exist

71. There is NOTHING sexy about pregnant women

70. Persistence gets you laid

69. Never give yourself a haircut while drunk

68. No panties = a good night

67. Drinks hard liquor = a great night

66. Tongue piercing = God loves you!

65. Saliva isn’t always the best lubricant, just the most fun to apply

64. White cotton panties and knee socks. Enough said!

63. Never lend money to friends

62. Never lend books, CDs, or DVDs to anyone

61. The month you finish paying for your car, it will break down

60. Elvis is not dead

59. Lee Harvey Oswald did not act alone

58. What’s good for you usually won’t taste better. Example: processed peanut butter vs. the all-natural kind

57. People who don’t use turn signals deserve mandatory prison sentences

56. Never let a girl shave your balls

55. Porn saves lives

54. Republicans are better at… well… nothing

53. If you’ve never had New Haven brick oven pizza, you’ve never had pizza. There is no pizza in New York or Chicago. Don’t argue, you’ll just sound foolish

52. Old country = cool Alt-country = really cool New country = sucks

51. Condition your hair once a day

50. Masturbate twice a day

49. Eat three square meals every day

48. Women should never cut their hair, unless they’re going to play for the other team

47. Crying is blackmail

46. Your choice: spay or neuter your pet… or yourself

45. If she sleeps in your bed, sex is a given

44. If a girl leaves her dirty panties lying around, she wants you to sniff them

43. There’s no such thing as “giving 110%”

42. Halloween is the only holiday that matters

41. Sympathy sex trumps make-up sex

40. Body hair just gets in the way

39. Rip bread, don’t slice it

38. Every man should learn how to dance, but no other man should know he can

37. Men have no right to speak on the subject of abortion

36. Every decade gives us only one great double album: The White Album, Exile On Main Street, London Calling, Being There, and Cold Roses.

35. Chivalry is not dead, but she has to earn it

34. Watch Carnival Of Souls at least once in your lifetime

33. If your pubic hair is blonde or red, shaving is optional

32. You can cheat on girls with hairy legs

31. If they don’t answer, it means yes

30. Never turn down a chance to sleep with a celebrity

29. Sex is better in warmer climates

28. Emo guys = gay; emo gals = easy marks

27. Never trust people who don’t drink coffee

26. Springsteen really is The Boss

25. If there’s a problem, talk it out

24. If you can’t talk it out: fuck, then try again

23. Never lease what you can buy

22. Never break up using a post-it note, her biker friends will hurt you for it

21. Never say “no” to a green-eyed girl

20. Live life as if The Catcher In The Rye were your bible

19. Don’t lie, you will get caught

18. Admit that the 1986 Mets were the greatest baseball team of all time and life will be easier

17. Know the legal age of consent in every place you visit

16. Wild animals belong in the wild, not in zoos, fairs, or roadside attractions

15. Pussy farts are charming

14. Only wear a bra if you’re going to offend me

13. Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder

12. It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye

11. Never underestimate the power of stupid peoplein large groups

10. When in doubt, mumble

9. Masturbation is overrated

8. Small boobs are misunderstood

7. Better to be feared than loved, but even better to have your love feared

6. Handcuffs are the ultimate sex toy

5. If you can’t convince them, confuse them

4. Quiet girls are the most likely to toss your salad

3. Women do not understand remote controls, there is no exception to this rule

2. Never overthink…

And the most important rule of all: Friends don’t fuck.

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